Now Me: Dude… I don’t really know where to start.
Last February Me: The superbowl is tomorrow. Who wins?
Now Me: The Giants. I’m not kidding.
Last February Me: Don’t toy with me. That’s not funny. We haven’t won in 18 years.
Now Me: Trust me. Just watch the game. And don’t run into the kitchen during the “catch” because you can’t bear to watch.
Last February Me: There’s a “catch”?
Now Me: Focus please. I have a few things to tell you about your garden plan.
Last February Me: Gonna be bigger this year! Woo hoo!
Now Me: Yeah you crazy bastard it is going to be bigger.
Last February Me: Sweet.
Now Me: First, you aren’t planning on buying any bagged compost. Rethink that please.
Last February Me: Why? I have a giant pile of leaf, vegetable and cardboard compost. That thing is huge! I tended it all last summer. I even brought back seaweed from vacation.
Now Me: Yeah. You tended it out in the woods. With barely any sun. And little real turning. Do you really think it ever got hot enough to compost? Plus, and you knew this you just didn’t want to believe it, it was A LOT of leaves. Did it ever look soilish?
Last February Me: Hmmmm.. not really. But I worked so hard on it! I don’t want to lug 60 bags of compost again.
Now Me: Suck it up dude. If you don’t, you’re going to spread that pile of compost over your newly tilled garden and it’s just going to be too dry and leafy. Trust me. Your soil that results is barely going to be able to hold moisture.
Last February Me: Okay. What else?
Now Me: Your seed starts are going to be about 50% crappy. You’re imagining a shelf, light set up, but you aren’t going to take the time to really secure the grow lights in a way that lets you raise and lower them. You’re going to plant a bunch of seeds and fail to re-pot them soon enough. Your heirloom tomato that you seed-fermented last year will look good and then you just won’t water it enough and you won’t have the right light. It will devastate you, cause you anxiety, and force you to curse the heavens.
Last February Me: Man I’m lazy.
Now Me: Yes we are. Take your time. Build the shelf and lights the right way. Plan to re-pot with better soil. Lower the lights. Water. Fertilize. You can do it.
Last February Me: Okay, okay. What else?
Now Me: Call your friend Jake right now and place your life savings on the Giants to win. Buy some champagne… the good stuff. Oh, and you’re going to be in a meeting at work in about 2 months and somebody important asks you a question. The answer is “About 200” and not “ummmmm….. hmmmmm… I don’t know.”