Day 1: The hard times have come. The news said it would happen and I trusted the man with the nice teeth and the woman with the nice hair. Here’s a story for you Bob… eat food from the store and die. Ha, ha… My family and I are prepared. No food unless we’ve grown it or hunted it. Our neighbors will perish shortly.
And then we’ll take their stuff.
Day 2: Children are really ungrateful. Eggs. That’s what they wanted, but I don’t have any chickens. Or robins even. The eggs. What you want is protein I told them. My wife wrinkled her nose, but I knew that she wanted protein too. It’s not the eggs really. It’s the protein your body craves!
There was a spider egg sac in the basement that I thought looked a lot like Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch. They didn’t really agree. I ate it just to demonstrate how plausible this idea of 100-millimeter survival is. You just need to know what to look for and most anything is food!
The eggs were tough. Digging in the ground with my son and we found some grubs. They’re white like eggs. This one is brown. Brown grubs are local grubs and local grubs are fresh.
It’s been a hard day. One nugget of Cap’n Crunch for me. Nothing for the family. Tomorrow, the garden.
Day 6: I didn’t write for a while because my family turned on me.
It’s difficult to do, but if you try hard enough you can wriggle your way out of poorly tied knots.
Day 7: I’ve reclaimed the house, but only because I presented an exciting almost ripe tomato. My family! I have provided! This tomato is perfect.. for.. a salad.. with greens! Go! Feast!
Day 8: The boy figured out that the greens were grass. Curse the little reader.
Day 11: I ate the hair from a hair brush this morning. I am ashamed.
Day 12: I prepared a fabulous meal from scratch. Potatoes. Garlic. Butter that I churned myself from the cow that I milked myself. Bacon. Pork. Chicken. And cake.
But really it was just Play-Doh cooked in an EZ Bake Oven.
The wife was not amused, but I thought it was cute and playful.
Day 15: There’s nobody in the house. It’s very quiet. All the spider sacs I can eat. Mine. All mine.
Day 16: I followed the sound of sin. The sun was setting and I crawled on my belly towards the cacophony. I must not let them see me…
I had coated myself in compost and approached from downwind.
As I crested the driveway, I saw them. My family. My wife. All of them cavorting with the neighbors. Hot dogs. Hamburgers. So much disease in a bun!
Pickles from the store.
Frozen corn. Canned beans. Coke.
Day 17: Really, we all have to die some day right? I’ve expanded the rules of the 100 millimeter challenge. It’s the 100-year challenge and the point is to eat everything from everywhere and see if you can live to 100.
The winner gets cake.